Recently, many of my SG friends commented that they envy our life here in US after reading my blog. This prompted me to write down some of my not so enviable experiences here and some of the festering thoughts that had been lingering in me for sometime.
First, not all things are rosy in a foreign land. The one thing that constantly irks us is the healthcare system in US and the complexities and atrocities in their billing and insurance system. I've often complained to newcomers to US about how much we have to pay for our medical bills on top of the expensive health insurance that we have bought. For example, one common cough and cold visit by my son can easily set me back USD $150 for co-payment, by which the bills for the same visit can come in different terms and different times that I find it hard to comprehend, considering that we understand and speak English fluently.
Since I found myself pregnant, we decided to purchase the more comprehensive health insurance from Harvard that requires little co-payment but is ultra expensive. Imagine a family of 3 has to fork out USD $15000 for a 9 month coverage. Not only that, we still have to pay for any medications and also be careful in our doctor visits so that we do not do any additional tests that are not covered by the insurance. Even then, recently, I still received a $350 hospital bill for a recent hearing test that Ry even though we were told that it was covered by insurance. I immediately called the hospital to clarify and they told me to ignore the bill as they are still waiting for the insurer to make payment. Imagine that I did not bother to make the call, I would have paid $350 in vain. That shows how fxxx-up the system here as quoted by my hubby (pardon the language here).
Besides these, we also do not have much confidence in the healthcare system here. While I was having spotting when I first discovered pregnancy, I called the doctors to schedule a visit but was told that it is possible only after I reached the 8 weeks mark. We had no choice but waited for the weeks to pass with great trepidation and fear. At the visit itself, I did not get to see the doctor but the nurse and she refused to give me an ultrasound until she found that I still have some more bleeding in the cervix. Although so far, my pregnancy has progressed well with little problems, we have little confidence in my delivery because the US doctors here have different views and practice from my SG gynae, especially after I heard about my friend's not so pleasant experiences with the gynae and obstetrics practices here.
Second, things can get pretty lonely and difficult without your familiar friends and relatives around. I have no choice but to bring Ry with me to everywhere I go even when I do not feel well or the weather is too cold outside. These are the times when I wished for someone to care for him instead. Also, Americans here are not as friendly or open as what most people think, so it is also difficult to make new friends here. But it is also the circumstances that fortify the relationship between me and my hubby and our little one.
I do agree that life here is more exciting as compared to urban SG and there are somethings that we appreciated very much as mentioned in my earlier blogs. Because of the variety of experiences that we could expose Ry to here especially after I've become a SAHM, I'm also constantly thinking about what to do with my next child, Br.
First, not all things are rosy in a foreign land. The one thing that constantly irks us is the healthcare system in US and the complexities and atrocities in their billing and insurance system. I've often complained to newcomers to US about how much we have to pay for our medical bills on top of the expensive health insurance that we have bought. For example, one common cough and cold visit by my son can easily set me back USD $150 for co-payment, by which the bills for the same visit can come in different terms and different times that I find it hard to comprehend, considering that we understand and speak English fluently.
Since I found myself pregnant, we decided to purchase the more comprehensive health insurance from Harvard that requires little co-payment but is ultra expensive. Imagine a family of 3 has to fork out USD $15000 for a 9 month coverage. Not only that, we still have to pay for any medications and also be careful in our doctor visits so that we do not do any additional tests that are not covered by the insurance. Even then, recently, I still received a $350 hospital bill for a recent hearing test that Ry even though we were told that it was covered by insurance. I immediately called the hospital to clarify and they told me to ignore the bill as they are still waiting for the insurer to make payment. Imagine that I did not bother to make the call, I would have paid $350 in vain. That shows how fxxx-up the system here as quoted by my hubby (pardon the language here).
Besides these, we also do not have much confidence in the healthcare system here. While I was having spotting when I first discovered pregnancy, I called the doctors to schedule a visit but was told that it is possible only after I reached the 8 weeks mark. We had no choice but waited for the weeks to pass with great trepidation and fear. At the visit itself, I did not get to see the doctor but the nurse and she refused to give me an ultrasound until she found that I still have some more bleeding in the cervix. Although so far, my pregnancy has progressed well with little problems, we have little confidence in my delivery because the US doctors here have different views and practice from my SG gynae, especially after I heard about my friend's not so pleasant experiences with the gynae and obstetrics practices here.
Second, things can get pretty lonely and difficult without your familiar friends and relatives around. I have no choice but to bring Ry with me to everywhere I go even when I do not feel well or the weather is too cold outside. These are the times when I wished for someone to care for him instead. Also, Americans here are not as friendly or open as what most people think, so it is also difficult to make new friends here. But it is also the circumstances that fortify the relationship between me and my hubby and our little one.
I do agree that life here is more exciting as compared to urban SG and there are somethings that we appreciated very much as mentioned in my earlier blogs. Because of the variety of experiences that we could expose Ry to here especially after I've become a SAHM, I'm also constantly thinking about what to do with my next child, Br.
For instance, I could bring Ry to playgrounds, playgroups and classes that we enjoy together but with the second one, could I still afford to lavish him the same attention and love when I'm back at work in SG next year. I can imagine that the only quality time that daddy and mummy can spend with the kids next year will only be on weekends, which we are also burdened with other mundane household duties and in-laws visiting. How are we going to make sure we give them the same type of attention and also to divide them equally among the two of them? Also, what places can we bring them to where they can appreciate the beauty of nature besides the crowded East Coast Park and the touristy Zoo in our small island of concrete jungle?
More thoughts festered in me especially after I read two articles listed below about birth order. One mentioned that the firstborn will usually engage in more successful careers and earn higher pay due to their stronger drive to succeed while the second kid will usually be more easy-going and sociable especially if they are the middle ones, since they are usually neglected, and hence engage in lower prestige jobs since they are less driven.
The other article mentioned about the equality of love between different kids. Will parents love one child more than the other? I know now that we love Ry wholeheartedly and I kept asking myself, can I repeat the same type of love for Br? Will I be impartial in my love and not practice favouritism especially after Ry and I spend so many precious and memorable moments together here in US while I know that I could not repeat the same experiences with Br when we are back in SG? I have no answers yet but maybe as what K said after he read the article, we'll just tell the boys that we love both of them equally and we love them in different ways as different as they are.
Wondering at the back of mind: will Br look like his gor-gor?http://www.helium.com/items/953847-loving-children-equally-but-differently
http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/birthwrk.htm
2 comments:
Can relate to a lot of what you are saying. life in usa, and about having 2 kids, and about SAHM vs WOHM and time spent with kids.
About places to bring kids to in Spore, I agree that Spore is small and places are limited, but there are still a lot of kid-friendly places, a lot of more ulu nature places. There are a lot of free concerts, artsy events, activities for kids. The museums and science center are getting better too.
After coming here, to where I am now, I realise that although Spore is small, and where I am is much larger, without a clean and unpolluted environment, without kid-friendly places to go to... I fully appreciate what Spore has to offer. (The only thing I dislike is the crowds.)
Maybe what you can do is save up leave to go on longer vacations to other countries with big natural wonders again, in future? I certainly want to revisit some of the National Parks in USA.
And I think a mother has the capacity to love more and more, no matter how many kids come along. You'll have enough love to spread around. Both my sons are very different too, but I love both equally dearly. I asked Dh before also, whether he has a favorite, but he says he can truthfully say no also.
Are you delivering there? Must take care! You've been looking great all the while!
Can totally empathise with you on the horrendous US healthcare system, having experienced it ourselves when we were there.
The frustration in trying to get simple medication for a cough that Dyl had was enough to echo the same words that spewed forth from your hubby: Fxxxed up man!
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